Screenplay: First Draft
Here is the first version of my screenplay. I say first only because I imagine I will continue making revisions to it as I get more feedback from others and as shooting days get closer. Clearly, as I am still workshopping titles.Here is the first version of my screenplay. I say first only because I imagine I will continue making revisions to it as I get more feedback from others and as shooting days get closer. Clearly, as I am still workshopping titles.
Women in the Bible
For my short film I’d like to explore different themes presented in the bible regarding women. Many of the most iconic and memorable women in the bible are depicted with negative connotations. For instance, Eve, arguably the most popular female character in the bible became known as the reason for humanity's downfall by luring Adam and introducing sin to the world. Prior to her “evildoings” Eve was silent and lacked free will, and a few verses later she is seen consuming the forbidden fruit and making friends with a serpent; she is never truly painted as a good character (theconversation.com). In my short film I want to allude to Eve’s story, I am currently developing a cake recipe with apple filling to match the forbidden fruit.
In addition, I’d like to touch on the topic of punishment and consequences. In my story the main character is moved to murder her betrothed because of his abuse to her, and still she is sent to eternity in purgatory as punishment despite her actions being in self defense. In my research I found stories about women in prison who are facing anywhere from 10 years to life for the murder of their intimate partner (christiancentury.org). Up until the 70s, women who had killed their abusers were often acquitted on grounds of self defense or insanity. However, now the argument for their imprisonment is that if women were killing in order to get away from abuse, they should be punished to the full extent of the law. These imprisoned women were presented with the story of Jael in the bible; although the bible does not contain a woman who killed a violent man in a similar pattern by which these women fought back against their abusers, Jael kills Sisera in her home, with a weapon, while he is sleeping. Jael had given Sisera milk and a place of shelter and then chose to kill this violent oppressor with a tent peg and a hammer and was lauded for her actions. This raises the question of when is it just to take another person’s life, this is especially interesting in a religious aspect since the fifth commandment taught in Catechism is “thou shalt not kill.” Over the years Catholics and other Christian religious denominations have interpreted and specified what this means. For instance, one source I read deemed, “the act of self defense can have a double effect: the preservation of one’s own life; and the killing of the aggressor… The one is intended, the other is not (vatican.va).” In my interpretation, and for the purposes of my short film my main character has been sentenced to punishment by God in the afterlife for her murderous actions on Earth.
Having been inspired by the story of Jael I have chosen to name my main character after her. In addition, I’ve taken inspiration from The Woman herself, Eve for a surname and present to you my protagonist, Jael Aveline.
-jael-and-sisera.jpg)
Dark Comedy, the Ultimate Oxymoron
To aid me in my journey of creation I will be researching different pieces of media in the same or similar genre as my own piece. I have come to the conclusion that I will be marketing my short film as a dark comedy. A dark comedy is a style of comedy that makes light of a subject matter that is generally considered serious or painful to discuss.
The following are pieces that I’ve found helpful for the development my own production.
The Good Place is an NBC show that began airing in 2016. The show is about four individuals who have died in different outrageous ways and have now ended up in the afterlife. They are told they have ended up in “The Good Place” for having racked up enough points from the righteous actions and decisions they made on Earth. After reflecting on their past life, the four characters: Elanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason come to realize that they are not in some form of Elysium and they have actually ended up in “The Bad Place.” I bring up this series because of how the creators have constructed the afterlife. At face value it seems as though they are in a heaven, the mise en scene elements are all very cheery, appealing, and pretty, from the landscaping to the housing to the costumes; what makes this place hellish however, is what actually happens to them throughout the show. The characters are living in their own personal versions of hell and this is something I want to translate into my short film. My main character will experience what is in her opinion the worst, while maintaining visually pleasing and nice mise en scene elements. I also like the idea that is presented in The Good Place which is making the immortal beings of the show work the afterlife like a corporate job.
The following are pieces that I’ve found helpful for the development my own production.
The Good Place is an NBC show that began airing in 2016. The show is about four individuals who have died in different outrageous ways and have now ended up in the afterlife. They are told they have ended up in “The Good Place” for having racked up enough points from the righteous actions and decisions they made on Earth. After reflecting on their past life, the four characters: Elanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason come to realize that they are not in some form of Elysium and they have actually ended up in “The Bad Place.” I bring up this series because of how the creators have constructed the afterlife. At face value it seems as though they are in a heaven, the mise en scene elements are all very cheery, appealing, and pretty, from the landscaping to the housing to the costumes; what makes this place hellish however, is what actually happens to them throughout the show. The characters are living in their own personal versions of hell and this is something I want to translate into my short film. My main character will experience what is in her opinion the worst, while maintaining visually pleasing and nice mise en scene elements. I also like the idea that is presented in The Good Place which is making the immortal beings of the show work the afterlife like a corporate job.
Obviously it is very important that I watch plenty of dark comedy short films to aid me in the actual structure and presentation of my own piece. Every Six Month, is a short film I found on Youtube while researching. According to its description it is “a dark comedy about a woman who wakes up in a mysterious room. It’s full of taxidermy. The door is locked. And her delicate mind is getting the better of her (youtube.com).” In watching this short film I was reminded of a few components that I cannot forget to put in my short film such as, the title of the film as well as end credits. Every Six Months contained limited dialogue and the silences were filled with music of a mostly playful tone as well as suspenseful almost creepy stings and natural sounds, I imagine that at least half of my short film will lack dialogue so I must begin looking for music, stings, and other overall sound elements that I can add into my piece to develop the tone and contrast and balance of dark comedy that I see illustrated in other pieces of the same genre. This piece began directly into the action of the story, it did not waste time with unnecessary backstory. Rather, the backstory was developed throughout the course of the piece. The resolution was an ending open to interpretation although I like this concept I think my own short film will have a slightly more concrete ending than Every Six Months.
Welcome to Hell is an animated short film posted to Youtube in 2013 (youtube.com). Although my short film is live action and not animated I feel the need to bring up this short film because it was extremely impactful to me when I first saw it in seventh grade, as it is what peaked my interest in filmmaking. So, when my instructor suggested I transform my plot into a more comedic one I immediately recalled, Welcome to Hell. Welcome to Hell is about a young person named Sock who murdered their parents and has been sent to Hell, assigned a human, and instructed to convince that human to kill themselves. I thoroughly enjoy the comedic aspects of this dark plot, it makes a nice contrast and balances well for the story. I’d like to use this piece to aid me in creating the comedic aspects and elements of my own piece. Similar to The Good Place, Welcome to Hell also paints the afterlife as a corporate workplace. I would like to implement a similar idea into my own work as it has proved successful for this scenario.
Welcome to Hell is an animated short film posted to Youtube in 2013 (youtube.com). Although my short film is live action and not animated I feel the need to bring up this short film because it was extremely impactful to me when I first saw it in seventh grade, as it is what peaked my interest in filmmaking. So, when my instructor suggested I transform my plot into a more comedic one I immediately recalled, Welcome to Hell. Welcome to Hell is about a young person named Sock who murdered their parents and has been sent to Hell, assigned a human, and instructed to convince that human to kill themselves. I thoroughly enjoy the comedic aspects of this dark plot, it makes a nice contrast and balances well for the story. I’d like to use this piece to aid me in creating the comedic aspects and elements of my own piece. Similar to The Good Place, Welcome to Hell also paints the afterlife as a corporate workplace. I would like to implement a similar idea into my own work as it has proved successful for this scenario.
Group Meeting #1
The internet went out at my school today so obviously it was a very difficult day for all of us, the horror ! Haha anyways, because we were unable to use the computers to work on our projects in class individually, we had a group meeting, socratic seminar style, in which we shared our ideas for our portfolio project as well as our trials and tribulations so that we could get feedback and advice from our classmates and instructor. I was nervous to share my idea in front of my peers as I had come up with it the day before and the only person I had shared it with was my mom and she’s almost required to support my ideas. I was the last to speak during today’s meeting which was extra pressure since everyone before me had such interesting ideas but, I shared my short film and it was pretty well received, my classmates liked the idea and gave me some really good input.
A few people reminded me of stories that I could use as inspiration such as the cutting of Solomon’s hair which is about betrayal and the Greek myth of Prometheus who was brutally punished for bringing fire to humans, this story was brought up because it has to do with negative consequences for something arguably moral which is a theme I want to touch upon in my piece. The story of Prometheus led me to remember the myth of Tantalus who killed his son and fed the flesh to the gods, Tantalus was punished in Tartarus to live eternity in a waist deep pool of water under the dangling branch of fruit tree cursed to forever have food and drink right out of reach, I think I may do something with this for instance, have my main character yearn for some other food but be forced to only eat the cake and make it exactly the same way it was the night of the murder.
The biggest obstacles I had in my story and the questions I brought to my peers was whether or not I should show my character being tried and questioned in purgatory and/or show the murder of her boyfriend, since originally I had just imagined her making the cake and eating it. My teacher was very concerned with how my depiction of purgatory may come off as cheesy and not read well. Her suggestion was that I turn my piece into a comedy which was difficult for me to picture since I had imagined it as a dramatic piece but, after some consideration and suggestions of how I could present it comedically I have decided to take her advice and try my hand at something funny. The idea is quite daunting to me which is ironic but comedy is so subjective I already know I’m going to have to show my work to many many people to get their opinion of whether or not it would translate well. But, as of right now my head is in a NBC’s The Good Place sort of mindset so we’ll see how this goes.
A few people reminded me of stories that I could use as inspiration such as the cutting of Solomon’s hair which is about betrayal and the Greek myth of Prometheus who was brutally punished for bringing fire to humans, this story was brought up because it has to do with negative consequences for something arguably moral which is a theme I want to touch upon in my piece. The story of Prometheus led me to remember the myth of Tantalus who killed his son and fed the flesh to the gods, Tantalus was punished in Tartarus to live eternity in a waist deep pool of water under the dangling branch of fruit tree cursed to forever have food and drink right out of reach, I think I may do something with this for instance, have my main character yearn for some other food but be forced to only eat the cake and make it exactly the same way it was the night of the murder.
The biggest obstacles I had in my story and the questions I brought to my peers was whether or not I should show my character being tried and questioned in purgatory and/or show the murder of her boyfriend, since originally I had just imagined her making the cake and eating it. My teacher was very concerned with how my depiction of purgatory may come off as cheesy and not read well. Her suggestion was that I turn my piece into a comedy which was difficult for me to picture since I had imagined it as a dramatic piece but, after some consideration and suggestions of how I could present it comedically I have decided to take her advice and try my hand at something funny. The idea is quite daunting to me which is ironic but comedy is so subjective I already know I’m going to have to show my work to many many people to get their opinion of whether or not it would translate well. But, as of right now my head is in a NBC’s The Good Place sort of mindset so we’ll see how this goes.
Funny How Quentin Tarantino Has Been Real Quiet Since I Dropped This Idea.
Hello friends and Cambridge grading fiends, at the beginning of this week I met briefly with my Media Studies teacher to discuss my project and gauge where I was at; we quickly arrived to the fact that I had to decide what I wanted to do for this endeavour so that I could truly get the gears going. So, today I bring you the pitch (as promised by my week one schedule) !
Allow me to set the scene, I was sitting in my econ class just absolutely completely immersed in the world of income taxes, when I thought of how much I wished I was watching Tik Toks. Tik Tok is a Chinese owned video sharing social media platform and I will openly admit that I am entirely addicted to it; I genuinely spend an unhealthy amount of time scrolling through these silly videos and one of my favorite genres of videos to see pop up on my feed are those in which people bake and decorate extravagant multi-layered cakes. This guilty pleasure has led to the conclusion that I too need to create my own multilevel delicacy. So, as I sat in my econ class I tried to think of how I could bake a giant cake in my short film and it somehow led me to Hell.
(@jillsejd on Tik Tok is my favorite to watch)
My teacher told us to write what we know and I will admit I have never personally been to Hell but, I did grow up very very Catholic so I think it will be interesting to dive back into the bible and its teachings to help me take inspiration for this piece. For instance, I know I want to look for stories in the bible where women have killed their husbands and I think I would name my main character after one of those women. I want to touch upon the fifth commandment (thou shall not kill) and really get into the ideologies of what should and shouldn’t be punishable based on circumstances according to the Catholic belief.
Now that I have my plot I am so excited to get working !!
How to Write a Screenplay
Hello and happy week two ! Today I want to further explore the nature of a short film in terms of how the screenplay is written. I imagine it’ll be one of the first steps in this creative process once I figure out my narrative, and, according to my handy schedule the screenplay should be going up sometime next week so let’s get right into the lesson.
How to write a screenplay: as explained by my Media Studies teacher, Mrs. Stoklosa (a condensed version). The first thing I wrote about was the importance of listening and observing the world around you, in order to make a successful script the conversations have to seem plausible and natural; an individual’s way of speaking has a certain flow and it is important to try and capture and emulate that in a dialogue. As far as other tips concerning dialogue we learned about the importance of giving characters their own unique voice that remains their consistent way of speaking and sets them apart from other characters just like in real life how people have specific styles of speaking. We learned to economize our words, since a short film entails limited time to get a story across the dialogue can at times become unnecessary and lengthy if not checked.
Screenplay production was split into four main steps:
Act One:
- 2 minutes (for a short film length)
- Establishes setting
- Develop characters
- Exposition
Students sit in the classroom, a BELL RINGS announcing the dismissal of class, the students get up to leave the class.
- Delivering visuals in the most dynamic, interesting, and important way for your given genre.
- Tell a complete story, don’t let the story feel unfinished.
- Make it more concept driven rather than plot driven to work around time restraints
- Don’t force your film to have a twist, as it could compromise the storytelling
How to write a screenplay: as explained by my Media Studies teacher, Mrs. Stoklosa (a condensed version). The first thing I wrote about was the importance of listening and observing the world around you, in order to make a successful script the conversations have to seem plausible and natural; an individual’s way of speaking has a certain flow and it is important to try and capture and emulate that in a dialogue. As far as other tips concerning dialogue we learned about the importance of giving characters their own unique voice that remains their consistent way of speaking and sets them apart from other characters just like in real life how people have specific styles of speaking. We learned to economize our words, since a short film entails limited time to get a story across the dialogue can at times become unnecessary and lengthy if not checked.
Screenplay production was split into four main steps:
1.) BRAINSTORMING: We were told to begin with one character or major plot point and then consider a genre and how it can be developed. The most important piece of information I took away from the brainstorming step was to “WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW,” it is a million times easier to create a strong story if it engages you and you are familiar with it
2.)OUTLINE: This step is about developing the spine of the production which includes major plot points and characters.
3.)SCREENPLAY: The third step is to write the screenplay ! In this step you should focus on developing the story through dialogue and visuals. A screenplay can be thought of in three acts.
3.)SCREENPLAY: The third step is to write the screenplay ! In this step you should focus on developing the story through dialogue and visuals. A screenplay can be thought of in three acts.
Act One:
- 2 minutes (for a short film length)
- Establishes setting
- Develop characters
- Exposition
Act Two:
- 3 minutes
- Develop a conflict
- Have the characters react to the conflict
- 3 minutes
- Develop a conflict
- Have the characters react to the conflict
Act Three:
- 2 minutes
- Present a resolution
- Illustrate character evolution
4.)REVISIONS: Feedback! Feedback! Feedback!
We learned how to format the actual script.
CENTER OF PAGE:
- Dialogue
- Character names (typed in all caps)
- Character actions: only actions that are important to the scene (typed in parenthesis)
LEFT OF PAGE:
- Scene heading: setting and time of day of scene (typed in all caps)
- Action: actions that can be seen or heard. Important sound effects should be described in all caps
Here is a short excerpt i have written in the screenplay format as practice, enjoy.
SCHOOL - 10:50 AM
- 2 minutes
- Present a resolution
- Illustrate character evolution
4.)REVISIONS: Feedback! Feedback! Feedback!
We learned how to format the actual script.
CENTER OF PAGE:
- Dialogue
- Character names (typed in all caps)
- Character actions: only actions that are important to the scene (typed in parenthesis)
LEFT OF PAGE:
- Scene heading: setting and time of day of scene (typed in all caps)
- Action: actions that can be seen or heard. Important sound effects should be described in all caps
Here is a short excerpt i have written in the screenplay format as practice, enjoy.
SCHOOL - 10:50 AM
Students sit in the classroom, a BELL RINGS announcing the dismissal of class, the students get up to leave the class.
STUDENT A:
Wow what a great class! I feel so knowledgeable and educated, I can’t wait to go on with the rest of my day and share my new knowledge with my friends.
Wow what a great class! I feel so knowledgeable and educated, I can’t wait to go on with the rest of my day and share my new knowledge with my friends.
(STUDENT A drops their pen from such excitement.STUDENT B picks it up)
STUDENT B:
Hey you dropped this.
STUDENT A:
Thank you so much, it's my only one.
FIN
Additionally the article “5 Tips for Screenwriters: How to Write a Short Film” form screencraft.org provided me with a few other pieces of advice. Including but not limited to: - Delivering visuals in the most dynamic, interesting, and important way for your given genre.
- Tell a complete story, don’t let the story feel unfinished.
- Make it more concept driven rather than plot driven to work around time restraints
- Don’t force your film to have a twist, as it could compromise the storytelling
Narrative Development Stream of Consciousness, but not really
I currently have a few ideas floating around in my head as to what I want the plot for
this short film to be. I would want for this story to be set in the past. I'm entertaining
the idea of setting it in the 70s because I think I could really play around with costume
and makeup design to match the era. I know that I want to have an extremely limited
number of characters; my goal would be one character MAYBE two but they would
most likely be dual protagonists in that case as the sources I read recommended. I
want to limit myself to one location as well.
I am into the idea of making the story about a wedding or more specifically a bride,
there’s something about going to Goodwill to get a wedding dress that is really appealing
to me right now. If I went with this narrative I’d probably want it to be a sort of suspense
or psychological thriller, I’d want to try working with some alternative narratives for this
idea.
I am certain that I will have to get rights to a song for this endeavour, because I know
I want music to be an important aspect and component to this piece to set the tone. I have
a few songs in mind but I’m not sure if getting the rights to an ABBA song may be too
ambitious.
I know for sure an aspect I really want to experiment with is the color pallate of
my short film and I’d want to achieve this through mise en scene, I would like
to take inspiration from Wes Anderson films and the Netflix series Sex Education.
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